I’m thinking I need to go back and make a glossary of all the wedding vocabulary used on this site. Some queries recently about why the blog is called “On The Virgin Road”. This is what they call the wedding aisle in Japanese-English. Pronounced “baa-jin roh-do”. I am not fully confident that many brides even know what it means. It’s all part of the fantasy though so why not let them call it what they wish?
Welcome to Jebediah, a new reader with a range of fascinating comments. I suspect he too is a man of the cloth..
Long break from wedding work as was traveling again but back into it this last weekend in a big way. Nothing too exciting til Sunday morning when I went to a new venue in Omotesando, an area filled with expensive restaurants and wedding banquet halls. Even for Omotesando this place was ridiculous. Four story, white brick building with bright white interior. Luxury restaurant, private rooms and a side building that had the “church”.
The “church” was an appalling space; low mirrored ceiling, glass floor with flowers encased inside, white leather seating and a huge pillar right in the middle of the left-side “pews”. How this room was designed and then decorated I have no idea but it ranks among the more revolting and gaudy wedding venues I’ve been to in my time as a pastor. But there are people who like this kind of thing of course and am sure the bride and groom paid handsomely to reserve the venue.
The rehearsal went well but as the wedding started and I entered with the groom I realized there were two photographers AND a video guy up on the stage, along with the two singers, cellist, violinist, keyboardist and me. Jusssssst a bit crowded and the cameramen and video guy made it worse by constantly moving around, bumping into things and generally being very disruptive. This did not seem to make any impression on the bride as she started crying during her slow entrance and didn’t stop for the entire 25-minute wedding. And this wasn’t the sniffles, it was the full water works. You wonder if the happy couple will watch their wedding video one day and get overcome with emotion or just be hypnotized by all the whiteness?
As always, I try to stay professional and just do my job. This blog is my space to vent or ponder about my chosen profession. I can only hope that even with the declining population, Tokyo will continue to have a thriving wedding market. My kids college tuition will have to be paid somehow.
After a long two month return to the motherland I returned to Japan with the family and headed straight out to do some weddings today. I felt a bit out of practice but a couple of reads of my script and a quick review with the organist and I was right back in the game. The first couple at the K Hotel were very sweet; they live in Shanghai and came back just for their wedding today (during Chinese New Year week in China). We chatted before the ceremony about their life in Shanghai and my thoughts on life in Tokyo versus America. The difference in manner between couples who have lived abroad and those who have one trip to Hawaii as their overseas experience..well, it was just so refreshing. Informed, curious and multilingual, this young bride and groom were very impressive. Is there hope for young Japanese folks amid all the media and gaijin-resident pessimism?
All the above made the afternoon wedding at the elite R club in Ebisu such a contrast. Very smiley couple but nervous and a bit in awe of my mid-level Japanese..they asked for a foreign pastor, did they think the ceremony would be in English? What did the wedding company tell them..? And the music selections for this wedding..well, Disney for the Bride’s entry, Disney for the B&G’s triumphant exit, then “A Whole New World” (the Aladdin song) at volume “these go to 11” for the “flower shower”.
I’ve lived most of my adult life here and still find the Disney thing a mystery. How can anyone really think it’s “romantic”? Why don’t I get it? These people who pay me so much to work their wedding, would they be horrified if they knew my thoughts on their preferences? I would say about 75% of the venues I do weddings at now play Disney songs in one form or another. It’s still better than Celine Dion or Enya, but not by much. I guess because of the long break I was more aware of it than usual. But my god, I truly despise Disney tunes.
We all have moments in our work lives when it’s hard to continue, but we DO continue. I can only try and be the best wedding pastor I can be as the couples deserve no less. And to get the Disney out of my head I just have to crank up some B.B. King on the way home.
I was a green 24-year old, been in Japan about a year and a half or so. ‘Teaching’ English at one of the chain-schools was not for me, I spent almost every night drunk and every morning doing lessons hungover. Anyone reading this blog is familiar with the type. I was looking for something different and also for a way to study Japanese full time. Randomly, I met ‘Austin Powers’, an English-man wedding pastor. He informed me it was the easiest gig in the country and would leave me free to go to school during the week..
Skip ahead a month or two. I was now a contracted employee of ‘ABC Music’, an events company with an office way out on the Chuo Line. They said I was a bit young to be a pastor but they were desperate. A few rehearsals, a gown fitting, some video viewing of famous pastors..it all went smoothly. One final thing to resolve and then I would be on my way. I needed a license..
The wedding industry in Japan is an odd one. Because Japanese law states you are married from the moment you sign the papers at the city office, all wedding ceremonies are merely performance. There is no “Justice of the Peace” as in the US who has legal power to marry couples. This would seem to pave the way for anyone and everyone to perform at weddings, yet there has always been controversy. Some Japanese Christian churches find it odd but generally harmless to have a Christian themed wedding at a hotel or restaurant. Unfortunately, some of the Western missionaries were a bit more vocal about their objections.
There is a long-term missionary in Japan, let’s call him ‘Benny Koseph’. He’s been here since after the war and at the time I met him must have been already in his late-70s. At some point, Benny got in a huff about the popularity of Christian themed weddings. Whether this was because he found it blasphemous or because he was not getting a cut of the rather hefty profits, I do not know. But he’s a well known figure in Japan and had some influence here and there..all of a sudden guys working in the industry had to get a ‘license’ from him in order to work.
ABC Music sent me to his house way out in Nerima-Ku for the ‘interview’. This was a long time ago but I can never forget walking into his living room, sitting down and looking up at a gigantic portrait of Jesus, the Mel Gibson “Passion of the Christ” version. I mean, this was a really bloody, garish painting, just terribly distracting and disturbing. I have no idea whether it was deliberate or not, put there to make people quake with fear.
Benny himself was fairly nice old guy and just asked me about my background as a Christian and what sort of charity work I had done. I made up some very convincing BS which he bought completely. Then I had to read out the wedding script that ABC had provided me. Benny listened, gave me some pointers, then said it was all fine. He tried to sell me a copy of his book on Christians in Japan (I declined politely), then I forked over his ‘fee’. To be honest, I really have no recall of how much that was..I’m guessing it was about 20,000 yen (roughly US$200). As I departed he leaned out the door and said “Don’t forget: You Will Have Eternal Life!”
And that was it. I got my license (still on my shelf) and was on my way to being an “officially sanctioned” wedding pastor. To this day I have zero idea why the wedding companies made this deal with Benny but I’m guessing they wanted to avoid any possible ruckus with the churches here. Easier to spread the drachma a bit and keep everyone happy I would guess.
Three weddings this morning at a hotel in central Tokyo. All was well till the third wedding when I met the bride and groom..let me preface this by saying I am almost completely immune to the more “gaudy” bits of Japanese weddings. The “gorgeous” chandeliers, chapel halls, and outfits usually don’t sway me. The couple today though..
The bride had the usual white dress but with a long veil, covered in sparkly sequins. It was hideous and very distracting. The groom was even worse, a full white tuxedo with white shoes and spangly “diamond” sequins all over his coat. Fashion taste is always relative so as long as he’s happy wearing that who am I to comment, really? Unfortunately, the lighting at the venue resulted in little beams of light being reflected off this guy’s jacket and the woman’s veil.. It was almost impossible for me to see anything else; imagine trying to read a speech for 30 mins while staring into a disco ball. Pro that I am, I made it through with no mistakes and got a hearty “Thank you so much!” in English from the Spangle Twins.
I still can’t fathom though how any man in his right mind would wear a white tuxedo covered in fake white diamonds..throw in the Chevy Chase “Vacation” white shoes and I tell you, it was quite the outfit. But what do they care, they’re off to Switzerland for their honeymoon. And I’ll grab a tasty yakitori and bottle of Sapporo on the way home. Life is good.
Whew! October is finally done, 22 weddings total in 8 different venues. That combined with some new customers at the main job..well, it’s been an exhausting month for sure. I was at one of the usual venues last Sunday and it took every bit of energy to stand up straight behind the podium. Luckily, that place has an extra loud organ and uses three singers so the volume of the first hymn woke me up. The carrot-top bride caught my eye as well. “Orange” does not do justice to how incredibly bright this woman’s hair was, must have used Astro-Dye at the beauty salon to get that color..
November is much less busy with about 10 on the schedule. I’m hoping to sneak away one weekend with the family for a little R&R somewhere by the sea. All preaching and no play makes Jack go a bit loco!
What a tiring weekend. Bad weather caused a bunch of train delays yesterday so the organist barely made it in time to the first ceremony. Staff at the hotel I was at are professional and competent but do tend to fuss at the slightest deviation. The ceremony itself was a difficult one as the groom was unable to make eye contact with anyone, including his to-be wife. He gave her the briefest of kisses on the cheek and looked like he’d rather be elsewhere. At least fake an interest, man! You got a hundred people there looking at you!
The bride was very happy but I was very distracted by her skin condition. When she took off her gloves for the ring ceremony it looked like she had suffered burns..I’m sure she suffers with whatever it is and I felt very ashamed for focusing on it. Also bothering me was a very annoying sister of the bride who kept getting up and coming close to take pictures. Three times the staff had to tell her to sit down but she didn’t really listen. Even worse was the old lady in the second row who spent most of the ceremony digging in some plastic bag for something..the rustling was incredibly annoying.
Minor things in and of themselves but combined…I held it all together though and moved the ceremony along smoothly. I’d like to think after all these years I can do the job and not notice these things but sometimes..
Ok, venting over. Don’t want this blog to be a chronicle of my tougher wedding experiences!
I’m in the middle of a very busy two-month stretch of wedding and other event work. This weekend I had to travel quite far to a wedding on Sunday afternoon, about 2 hours from central Tokyo. There was no rehearsal and I had arrived early so there was quite a bit of time to kill before the wedding started. The organist and I started chatting and she asked me a bit about the various Protestant churches. I told her what I knew and she then told me she was a practicing Catholic, and did not really understand all the doctrinal differences between the various sects.
As a non-practicing, non-believing “Christian”, this was really not a conversation I wanted to get too deep in to as I was certain this young lady knew more about Christianity than I did. She was very sincere, and quite open about her faith in Christ had “saved” her. I asked her about her family and whether they were also Catholics, but she said no, they were just “typical Japanese”. This is a common phrase when talking religion with Japanese people, usually meaning “born Shinto, marry Christian, die Buddhist and not much in between”.
She told me that her parents had no problem with her religion, but were completely uninterested in joining her at church on Sundays. I asked what she thought of the “Christian style” weddings with the foreign “priests”. She said she fully supported them and prayed that even one member of the audience would come to Jesus after hearing the Bible verses. I asked if she felt Japanese people would go to hell if they did not embrace Jesus. She paused and then said with conviction, “No, because their souls will go the Buddhist purgatory. They have no relation to the Christian concept of heaven and hell”. It was a fascinating answer as she seemed to be implying that any kind of “after life” would be dependent on what sort of belief system you had. (If I remember correctly, the Piers Anthony novels on Death, Time, Nature, etc had a similar idea.) I liked her reply very much, as it was a lot less dogmatic than the usual response I have got from Japanese Christians.
I could have chatted with this interesting young lady all day but then the wedding was going to start. As I hopped on the train for a long journey back I thought again about what an interesting job I have..and what a fascinating country Japan continues to be for me.
It was a nice atmosphere at the wedding I did last weekend. This couple had originally scheduled their wedding for March 20th..obviously had to delay it awhile after the earthquake. As I waited next to the chapel at the **** ***** Hotel the father of the bride came in. Usually the couple and the father come in together but the bride had some “wardrobe” problems so they were still upstairs.
The brides father was an older gentlemen, maybe early 70s. He was tall and thin with a full head of silver hair and a distinct voice. I couldn’t quite place it at first but soon it hit me; this guy was exactly like Jimmy Stewart, only from Hokkaido. We made some small talk about the earthquake and the weather, then he asked me how long I had been in Japan, etc etc. He laughed heartily when I asked him about his own wedding some 50 years ago. Rough translation: “Well, things were different back in those days, you know? Many people didn’t have the money for these kinds of fancy weddings. Marriage wasn’t necessarily about love either, of course. No, that was a very different Japan..it’s better now I think. People are free to do what they want. We had to struggle just to get by..I’m very happy my daughter can have this kind of happy ceremony.”
There was something so dignified about this guy. He was soft spoken but just the kind of person you immediately respect. His love for his daughter really came through, and I once again was reminded that these are real people getting married. I felt bad that years ago I used to laugh and make fun of the couples. They deserve the same respect they always give me.
On The Virgin Road 